Non-ethical non-monogamy? What cinema can – and can’t – teach us about polyamory

Non-monogamy is notoriously based on open communication and healthy dialogue, but where’s the fun in that? We unpick cinema’s melodramatic relationship with alternative relationship styles via the films streaming on MUBI.

WORDS BY MEGAN WALLACE
IN PARTNERSHIP WITH MUBI

MUBI is a streaming service where you can find great, hand-picked films from across the world. In the ongoing series Through the Lens, we’ll be engaging with cinematic representation and queer interpretation via the films streaming on MUBI. 

Watch MUBI’s rich selection of queer cinema with an exclusive Gay Times reader offer – 2 months of streaming for free.

If you’ve ever dabbled in the world of non-monogamy, you’ll know that it’s a lot less sexy than it might first sound. Sure, there are more options for connection or casual sex, but check-ins, debriefings and processing are equally a big part of the deal. 

In fact, the common misconception that non-monog folks are afraid of commitment couldn’t be more inaccurate. Whether you identify as a relationship anarchist, part of an open marriage, or anywhere in between, you’re actually pretty committed – to partners, if you have any, as well as to the undertaking of questioning society’s norms.

How cinema fell for the love triangle

But all of this healthy communication doesn’t exactly make for interesting cinema, does it? The prevailing advice for navigating ethical non-monogamy is all about regulating emotion, after all. This is why filmmakers are a lot more interested in non-ethical non-monogamy than its less messy (and certainly more talkative) cousin. 

In practice, cinema’s dalliances with non-monogamy often revolve around the love triangle – three folks whose desires spill over the traditional confines of coupledom. And there’s probably no finer example of this in cinema than Jules et Jim. 

This iconic French new wave film, about two best friends with a mutual passion for the free-spirited Catherine, revels in the jealousy and heartache which can stem from a poorly executed ménage-à-trois. But while it’s great viewing, it doesn’t necessarily correlate with most people’s experiences of non-monogamy.

How Passages updates the ménage-à-trois trope

It’s worth noting that, even today, most of the films which depict forms of non-monogamy circumvent the culture around it (no-one in these films has read Polysecure, that’s for sure) and certainly don’t affirm the idea that non-monogamy can be an identity or orientation in and of itself. 

This is what makes Passages so refreshing. Immersed in queer culture, the film explores the marriage between two gay men which is tested after one member of the couple explores his nascent bisexuality with the enigmatic Agathe (played by Adèle Exarchopoulos). 

What begins as an affair eventually winds up as a throuple, with Franz Rogowski’s Tomas pursuing two separate but intertwined relationships with Agathe and Martin (Ben Whishaw). However, as per the conventions of the ménage à trois cinematic trope, things don’t exactly end well and there is plenty of emotional suffering to go around throughout the process.

However, Passages takes genuine steps forward in depicting the relationship between Agathe and Martin as metamours – the partners of a shared partner. While Tomas flagrantly flouts boundaries and has a passion for withholding key information, Agathe and Martin’s scenes together are filled with transparent conversation and respect. These two might not be romantically involved, but they offer one another far more consideration than the man who supposedly loves them both. 

In this way, Passages breaks new ground by authentically depicting the overlaps and new formations which can spring from polyamory – and it does so with a quiet understanding, rather than the sensationalism which still abounds in so many conversations about alternative relationships. As non-monogamy becomes increasingly visible in popular culture, we can only hope that other filmmakers follow suit. 

Watch Passages on ​​MUBI with an exclusive Gay Times reader offer – 2 months of streaming for free.

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